List of every reason the incel doesn’t talk to women he likes:
- He’s been told that women don’t like a desperate person, so logically, he shouldn’t bother breaking the ice until he has overcome his concupiscence. They’ll see right through him.
- He’s not in the habit of talking to women, and the only reason he can see himself doing so is to probe them for dateable characteristics. He can’t speak for everyone, but if someone came up to him with such an agenda… he’d actually be really grateful, but most people would consider that shallow and want nothing to do with it, not to mention the evolutionary incentives are out of wack. Therefore, he does the women a favor by getting to the conclusion quicker.
- Speaking of shallow, isn’t going up to someone because they’re attractive a weird concept? Ideally, he’d be genuinely curious about their lives to strike up a conversation, and both parties would be better off after the transaction. In practice, he usually doesn’t get out of his own head enough to see the people around him, and if he does, he never sees anything worth talking about in its own right that wouldn’t come across as affected and rehearsed.
- He sees the kinds of people the women hang out with, and there’s no way he can compete with that level of empathy and compassion. He has also been told not to compare himself to people, but when it comes to being on the selected side rather than the selecting side of the gene pool, he has no choice but to pit himself against the competition to see what the hand he was dealt can get him.
- As long as he is unable to distinguish women he wants to be friends with with women he wants to date, he will always be hesitant due to seeing every little thing he does as a high stakes transaction.
- When he goes up to a dude, he is usually offering words of comfort or a witty add on to a joke they started. That’s his in, so to say. He feels like the words escaping his mouth has a wholesome purpose that will make someone’s day better; he would never talk just to make himself feel better. However, women don’t seem to operate this way. He never feels like he has anything of value to offer in exchange for his probing and prodding for attention - attention they could easily go to someone else for. In many ways, the thoughts and opinions he has are unique enough to guys for him to throw his hat in the ring, but are not usually pertinent to the vibe that most women in his circles go for.
- In his pursuit of finding someone that won’t be a liability, he tends to be extra judgmental towards women. Words that he uses to close the case in his head once and for all include: basic, cringy, emotionally unstable, normie, superficial, Disney freak, overgrown child, antisocial, entitled, superstitious, loose, political sheeple, etc. Whenever he finds himself simping extra hard, he puts up these labels as a barrier like an extra coat of deodorant and that tends to offer another 16 hours of B.O. blocking power.
The more astute of you might have begun to suspect that the incel is simply deflecting his anxieties about himself on other people. But whatever the cause, in his interest of following the golden rule, he wouldn’t want someone to be on his back with unsolicited advice and strict standards to uphold, so why would any sane person want the same for themselves?
Broken isn’t quite the word to describe this negative feedback loop. “Incompatible” is more accurate. Being programmed differently and being competent using different criteria is less of a tragedy than being broken and not doing anything “right”.
The fact is, if the incel chooses to embark on a specific task he is not predisposed to do well, he ought to change his programming. From the get go, the belief that he is not the right person for anybody is the negative thought that would deliver the most R.O.I. if eliminated. Not only is that belief depressing, but it isn’t even a verifiable fact. If he and his therapist go over time and time again that he doesn’t know diddly squat about women, what makes the incel think he can make that judgment for the women he sees on a daily basis, much less the 3.5 billion women in the world? A more precise wording of this idea would be that he has never felt that he was the right man for anyone. OK; he can work with that.
But backing up a bit: what does it mean to be the right man? Off the top of his head: having a common vision, sharing values, finding each other attractive physically, being just the right balance of open minded and constructively critical, being each other’s #1 fan, trusting each other, speaking the same metaphorical dialect, making each other laugh just by being themselves, appreciating each other’s presence, not holding anything back from each other (as the situation calls for), etc. The incel considers himself capable of most of these virtues some of the time, but the main mental strife comes from his perceived mental opposition between being the model friend and the model partner someone can bring to a gathering without feeling gypped (as mentioned above, dating is inherently competitive - nothing anyone can do about it).
At many points the incel has been told he is physically attractive, but no one has ever taken him up on the offer so to speak, assuming of course that they were telling the truth in the first place (not just being canadian) and that people get into relationships that haphazardly in the first place (they probably don’t, lol). He is extremely paranoid about putting on a good front and inevitably letting people down when he lets his guard down and slips out of normie mode. In short, a part of him feels that his sense of humor and point of view are inherently repulsive and off-putting and that he doesn’t have enough redeeming qualities to outweigh the repulsion. He has made strides to better himself as a person; he tries to avoid depressing and self-deprecating trains of thought and reads books in an effort to be more well-rounded and an interesting conversationalist, for example, but he still talks about and alludes to sex way too often for his own liking. Sure, those kinds of jokes might be the cheat code for making a group of guys laugh, but they also must come off as a dead giveaway of thirst and desperation.
All that being said, the incel is not getting any results doing this mental suppression, so he might as well (respectfully) just be himself. The outcome is the same, and he even get more male friends out of it - the path of least resistance.