People have no reason to like the incel. A relationship is based on mutual benefit, and people are going to look for a partner that checks enough boxes on their mental laundry list. Why would anyone go for him, when they can go for the smarter, funnier, more compassionate person right next to him? This is analogous to choosing what cereal to buy at the grocery store. Depending on what the person is in the mood for, they could go for the saccharine goodness of marshmallows, or they could suck it up and buy themselves a box of whole wheat because they are health conscious. In this scenario, the incel has yet to find out what audience he caters to, or what selling points he would have as a cereal box. After a trial period of sorts, companies are incentivized to discontinue any cereal brands that find themselves in this purgatory of sorts as the real crowd pleasers take the stage. In his case, natural selection is making the adequate market adjustments. The big takeaway is that he’s not entitled to find customers just because he exists; he needs to adapt himself and give the right people what they want.
If the incel is allowed another metaphor, we’re puzzle pieces with varying degrees of compatibility with each other. Some people has huge gaping holes that sit well alongside any piece, and those are the people that end up stumbling upon as well as taking advantage of, romantic opportunities from a young age. However, there are also people with bumpy edges and irregular shapes that other people would have a hard time fitting into without significant compromise or force. The incel would consider himself a part of these late bloomers, because out of all of the women he has encountered (a number in the thousands, if we consider “meeting” to be a name exchange and a greeting), he didn’t consider it worthwhile to pursue anything, and simply consoles himself by assuming the women probably didn’t see anything they wanted in the first place.
And of course, there’s the lingering fear that there is no puzzle piece that fits the incel. Certainly, the fear that he will never encounter, or even recognize, the piece through chance, is a warranted one considering his steadily climbing age yet steadily stagnated track record. Family and friends try to encourage him by telling him the right person will present herself eventually, but that kind of wishful thinking would only work if there had been multiple close cases, or even attempts, at relationships.
Honestly, the incel wouldn’t know where to begin. In the first place, he can’t imagine anybody being interested in him, and therefore, he subconsciously chooses to present himself in a way that discourages conversation and ice breaking. But even in the scenario that he falls into some haphazard excuse of a relationship, what on earth would his role even be? After all, the most affection he’s ever given a girl is an awkward goodbye hug. How would he even bring up the idea of holding hands or sitting next to each other like he sees all around him? His friends with experience tell him that affection comes naturally, but the concept remains foreign to him. Relationships are probably born out of an insurmountable and overwhelming urge to shower someone with affection, but in his case, simple one sentence affirmations would suffice. All he is left with is improvising from there and hoping to God he doesn’t make too much of a fool out of himself.
And is this coming from the guy who wants to lose his virginity as soon as possible? Sex is the finish line, but he’s still dilly-dallying at the start line. Is he some kind of idiot?
“I can’t imagine… I can’t imagine… ” Maybe start by changing that?