Because the incel is so critical of himself and his negative tendencies, he not only gets disillusioned when he doesn’t find someone as paranoid as him about not sucking, but he also pushes people away subconsciously with these unrealistic expectations that people either refuse or don’t believe they can meet. He has this quote he heard floating around in his head, and he doesn’t know if a girl told him this in real life or in a dream, but it goes, “I just don’t think I’m the right person for you; you’d probably get bored of me really quickly.” Additionally, he recalls his mom commenting on his demeanor during his high school days with, “You always looked really busy, like you didn’t has time or interest in women,” which is the most useful criticism his mom has ever given him, in retrospect.
The balancing act becomes: how does the incel actively go against the gradient without inflating his ego or losing touch with those around him? How does he stop judging his neighbor so harshly and rid himself of this artificial allergy to normies? How loose can he get with his criteria for women before he becomes untrue to himself and just become a simp? His therapist has said multiple times that he’s not a broad stroke person, but he feels that his presence is still too harsh for even those he could jive with. The female counterpart of him is probably sitting in her room with her arms crossed, as he is, waiting for someone to make a move on her, so his job here is to make himself so irresistibly genuine and welcoming that she can’t help but notice and send some signs his way.
That’s the dream, at least. Yes, it’s painfully roundabout, but the incel is a firm believer in there being a time and a place for everything. Work and school relationships are cringy as hell and have never ended well in his experience, but he would be more than willing to entertain someone’s crazy ideas if he thinks there’s something worthwhile for the both of them. Then again, after his initial prescreening of every woman he come in contact with, he would be more than thrilled dating 90% of them. He is painfully aware of this fact, and feels the need to stop himself from pining over his coworkers and classmates lest he come across as a horny simp. In an effort to hide his face of sheer wonder and desperation, he avoids superfluous eye contact and conversation. The more self-loathing he has that particular day, the more he avoids, but there are good days here and there where, without doing anything physically different, he gets more people to strike up genuine connections with him. He’s thoroughly convinced that while he can’t know what they think, they, in turn, can read him like an open book, hence the days where he resigns himself to his fate and take things at face value are the days he come across as frank and approachable.
The key is again to straddle the line between stoicism and simpage. The incel can afford to be less stoic and take for granted that he won’t be a simp; He has had his entire life to sort that out. And of course, he believes wholeheartedly in his ability to sell himself in a mixer setting or any other place where dating is the purpose, so he should seek those out and put his money where his mouth is.