bugmen
- We have been tasked by corporate to read this notice to you in its entirety, so please save all your questions for the very end. We here at Generic Retail pride ourselves on our positive work culture and attention to our individual associates. As of next month, we ask that management begin to eat their associates in whatever order or procedure they deem fit. [...]
an egg and half of the other
- We have parent-teacher conferences coming up, and they're asking for your sig... What? No. It takes place every semester... I've tried lying to you before; why would I try again? Are you able to call off of work that day or should I call mom?... Oh, make sure to bring some nice clothes and to shower... No, it's just that everyone else has normal office work and you don't... I know; I'm not ungrateful or anything. Just listen and answer the questions she asks you. [...]